Hall of Shame

Howdy, folks. Roller here. McFly recently offered a solid suggestion that we diversify our content. While we still have 47 more Law & Order pieces to do and an approaching deadline for our "T.L.A.T.L.: Behind the Blog" reality show pitch, it wouldn't hurt to flex a different part of our brains. And since we're on the topic of flexing...

This post's topic is nothing original. Hence, the incredibly overused title. But I wavered on this subject for quite some time before finally coming to my own conclusion, and I think it merits a post. The topic: Should Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa be elected into the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame?

I asked Coovo if he'd join me on this one, L&O style, and he suggested that we write the post in more of a conversational manner. I agreed, under the condition that I can write as him half the time, and vice versa. He agreed. Or maybe I agreed while perpetrating Coovo.

In any event, I think (hope) the best part will be the comments we get from the handful of loyal readers we are lucky enough to have, all of whom are avid and knowledgeable fans of the Pastime. Play Ball...


Roller: So, we have "the men who saved baseball" at or near the end of their careers, after having piled up power numbers that would make even Josh Gibson raise an eyebrow. In the late 90's, their at-bats put conversations on pause. Fans would linger in a 14-1 stinker just to see their last AB in the 8th or 9th inning (and on the flip side, promptly leave immediately afterward even during a good game). There's no doubt in my mind that I was caught up in it, and I cannot remember giving any concern to performance enhancers at the time. I remember the andro escapade in '98, but felt that McGwire was vindicated in '99 when he said he stopped using it and still hit 65 HRs.


Coovo: If we're going to go into this together, you're going have to stop using big words like "perpetrating", and start using words I can understand, like anabolic steriod or human growth hormone. I talked a little bit about this with a post back in March entitled Pump up the Volume, but the issue here is just about Sosa and McGwire.

I was naive. I just thought that all athletes were tested for steroids. That is why I watched that crazy '98 season with as much excitement as anybody else. I was even at the game where McGwire hit no. 62. I am ashamed as a Cub fan but I clapped for McGwire. Looking back on it now, we are left with nothing but specualtion. I would say that we are left with the words of these men, like when they testified in front of Congress, but too many times in the current sports world we athletes in front of Matt Lauer repenting for their sins.

So Roller. For the sake of argument. As of now, there is no "smoking gun proof", neither player has ever been suspended (for steroids, Sosa had some bad lumber once), and they each have over 580 Home runs. Why wouldn't you vote for them?


Roller: That's a good question. Let's start with this: I think it's obvious that if it was indisputable that neither of them used performance enhancers, and they still put up those numbers, this wouldn't even be a debate. Their first-ballot status would be about as sure a bet as one could make in baseball.

But that's far from the case. So I'll turn it back to you. Do you feel that you'd need proof that they used in order to bar their legendary careers from HOF glory? And when I say proof, I mean more than, you know, Jose Canseco's "The Needle, The Ass, and Biceps of Brass".


Coovo: I'll have to see photos of all of these players' behinds before I can make a judgement. To me, it is Sosa that is the inriguing vote.

We have Canseco's allegations against McGwire, but we also have McGwire not denying he used steroids in front of Congress. That is what is keeping him out of the Hall now, not Canseco. After McGwire went, Sosa denied ever taking them. Then Rafeal Palmerio did as well. Whoops. Sosa sits there literally sandwiched between two "users". Then you look at the evidence against Bonds. Pretty convincing. So of the three players to pass Maris, two have solid circumstantial evidence against them, and again Sosa is along for the ride.

Other than refusing to pee in a cup when asked to out of the blue by a reporter, Sosa's more guilty by association. I believe he was on something, but the proof is less clear than McGwire.


Roller: "Whoops." Nice. I agree with you, although he was never caught using steroids, McGwire's almost tearful refusal to "talk about the past" paints a guilty portrait. And Sosa has never been caught, and has denied using. On the surface, one does look a little guiltier than the other.

Now that I'm done with an objective response, I have to throw in what I believe. Not based on facts, but my gut (and admittedly somewhat biased by my allegiance to a certain ballclub for which McGwire played). I can't help it, I just love those Athletics.

I believe McGwire to be a good person. After signing his first contract with the Cards, he started giving $1 million / year to his foundation for abused children (again just about crying when announcing it). The guy is a softie. I believe he is a good person who made a very, very bad decision. And he knows it. And he feels guilty now. I am in know way suggesting that his good deeds exonerate his (alleged) steroid use, but I believe his conscience won't let him deny using them.

I can't say I've seen those qualities in Sammy. Of course, my opinion of Sosa's character is worth about as much as he can throw me (mixed metaphors rule!). But here are some items that helped formulate my opinion on Sammy:

• Sammy can speak fluent English. He speaks it incredibly well in most interviews. Yet anytime he gets in a little trouble (the steroid proceedings, the corked bat), he puts on his immigrant smile and plays the "No espeaka de english" card.


• Like McGwire, Sammy also started a charity organization. His was based in his home country, the Dominican Republic. Now, I heard this so long ago that I can't say if it was on CNN or A Current Affair, but I remember hearing that the charity hadn't received a good chunk of promised money from Sammy, and that Sammy's relatives were driving new cars bought in the charity's name.

You can feel free to tell me to go to hell on these points, because they're not much. And I'd love to hear stories of Sammy rescuing a blind person's HIV-infected kitten from a burning tree. But the guy just seems a little shady to me.

So to sum up this long winded response, I guess I just feel that you have two people who are guilty. One just has a heavier conscience than the other.

Coovo?..... You awake?.....


Coovo: Barely. I've had more intersting reads while presuing the Better Home & Gardens Igloo edition.

I don't disagree with you about Sosa the person, but if being a good guy were criteria for the Hall of Fame, then we'd have to have a recount. The Hall of Fame vote is based on what one does on the field, not with his charity organizations. Unless of course he wagered on what happened on the field.

I have no doubt that now McGwire thinks what he did was wrong. He's probably very regretful. He probably won't let his son do steroids until college. Sorry, I couldn't resist. Who knows what Sammy is (other than being "berry berry good at baseball)? Although I do need to hear some of those "fluent English" interviews. If McGwire did roids a few years in Oakland. Well, that's one thing. But if he used all the way through his 70 home run season, that's another.

Roller: I suppose we'll only know if McGwire tells us (which I have a feeling he will at some point) or if Jimmy Ballgame writes a book about sticking needles in Mac's pimpled arse. I don't think McGwire's size diminished at all when he donned The Birds on The Bat - he actually seemed to be bigger than ever - so I'm guessing that he used during the 1998 season. Honestly, if he only used a few years in Oakland and hit a clean 70 HRs, what the hell is he crying about?

"The Hall of Fame vote is based on what one does on the field, not with his charity organizations." True, at least that's how it's been done in the past. We can save the "Would you vote Ty Cobb into the HOF?" debate for a breather in the "Growing Pains and Wonder Years" mini-series we've got queued up for the Fall.

But my point wasn't really that Sosa should be held from the Hall because he's not a Saint. I was just pointing to traits that, like the "bad lumber" incident, make me inclined to believe he's OK with cheating.

So, we've danced around the answer enough. Point Blank: Given what evidence exists right now, would you vote for either McGwire or Sosa? I'll even say Sosa plays till the end of 2008 and finishes with 625.


Coovo: You're a point blank. A Grosse Point Blank to be exact.

The whole MLB process in my mind has lost credibility with this issue, and that includes the Hall of Fame. I hate the cop-out, "it wasn't against baseball's rules." Everyone has known steroids were wrong since Ben Johnson lost his gold medal in the 1988 Seoul Olympics. But even after this event, 10 years before the home run chase, all of baseball--Owners, the Union, the Commisioners office--still ignored the issue. Now, a dark cloud sits over the whole game. And that cloud includes the Hall of Fame and nothing short of a rigged up Delorean time machine will remove this cloud.

I vote yes to both players. In the end, MLB should share as much blame as the players. And we can't penalize MLB. Only the players will know whether the plaque on the wall is a fraud and they'll have to live with it.

Roller: I can see your point. It's like that Van Halen song where they're like "I see both sides now". I think it's that one. Either that one or "Why Can't This Be Love?" Cause I'll be damned if I get hung out on the line!

Is MLB to blame? Without a doubt. But the players made their own choices; acted under their own will. What bothers me the most is that Sosa and McGwire were incredibly talented players. We all know McGwire hit 49 HR in his rookie year. Speed was as much a part of Sosa's game as power before his legs got so big that running was a fire hazard. We'll never know exactly what kind of numbers they would have put up. That irritates me.

If you hadn't guessed by now, I vote no to both players. I think a "yes" is essentially saying "it's too late now" to right the ship. Baseball has made many a mistake in the past, but that's no excuse to continue.

Well, there you have it. A split decision. We leave with the actual conversation from the pitcure above.

S: Hey Big Mac! You da man!

M: Hey Sammy. Nice walk.

S: The ump make good calls. He was berry berry good to me. You da man!

M: I know. Your arms are massive dude. Whatcha ya bench?

S: I eat horse pill, my arms double in size, I hit da homer. You da man!

M: Damn right. You wanna do some andro after the game?

S: Only if it make my neck turn into leather like you! You da man!

The Greatest Beer Ever

I have tasted many an alcoholic beverage in my lifetime. There are numerous I consider to be excellent beers. Guiness. Samuel Adams Boston Lager. Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.

Then I found La Fin Du Monde. Brewed by Unibroue, out of Chambly, Quebec, "The End of the World" is named in honor of the explorers who "discovered" America, which they believed to be the end of the world.

I can go so far as to say that it tastes similar to a Belgian beer. It's color is golden, but not clear, which in my mind reflects its full bodied flavor. I'm not a beer genius, so that's about as best as I can describe it. You'll just have to savor one yourself.

Of course, the greatest beer in the world isn't cheap. I found it at Trader Joe's which has pretty reasonable prices for its superb selection of brews. This beer is sold in 4-packs, to the tune of $8.99 each. With tax that's about $2.50 a beer.

But I rationalize the luxury by the following:

• A 9% alcohol by volume content means you drink less. 2 Monde's will leave you feeling just right.
  
• There were times in my life where I routinely dropped $40 on drinks in one night. $5 in one night makes me feel like I'm saving money.

I do suggest that you pour it in a pint glass. I can't say why, but it just tastes better that way.

Enough of my rambling. At this point you'll just have to treat yourself. I hope we can share a couple in the near future.

One last item - I'd like to hear what everyone else's favorite beer is, and what your opinion of La Fin du Monde is when/if you've tried it.

Almost Double Digits

2 posts ago we almost hit the double digit mark in comments. It made my day. I'd still like to hear more about which person people would choose but we'll have plenty of time for that when we analyze the 314 different judges that have taken the bench. Hmmm, can't wait.

I know Roller said that I would talk about jump shots and bacon, but it's June and no one's still playing basketball, right?

I am a big fan of bacon. Not turkey bacon, because well, turkeys aren't pigs. However, I can't tell you how bacon makes everything better. In fact, I tried it on an orange just the other day and I hate to say it, but the orange was better without bacon. And with my newly discovered but not surprising high cholesterol level, I have to learn to say no to this and many other forms of "swine".

I spoke with Roller last night and we have some non-Law & Order posts in the works. Like this one, talking about the possibilities for non-Law & Order posts. How about posts about hot chicks. I'm out of ideas.

This one's for Al Gore. Today at work, I reused the Styrofoam coffee cup I used yesterday. AND, I recycled my nudey magazines yesterday.

Have a great day everyone.

30 Years of Law & Order: Part IV -Time to cut a deal!

The following is part 4 of a 51 part series on "Law & Order". Other parts can be seen here:

• 30 Years of Law & Order
• Who's the Real McCoy?
• Aye Cap'n

As we continue our assessment of the greatest drama ever to be created by Dick Wolf, we move slightly up the ladder to analyze the District Attorney of New York County.

That the word "Attorney" is included in the title of this occupation is somewhat misleading. Truth is, there's not a lot of attorneying going on. The DA doesn't really do much in the way of prosecuting criminals or sleeping with his hot Assistant DAs. The DA is more of a poli-ticker, guiding the ADA's prosecution based on how the outcome may affect public opinion of the DA office. In their defense (awesome pun), they can also provide sage advice from the decades of experience they have in prosecuting criminals and sleeping with their hot ADAs.

The role of DA in Law & Order has been played by 3 people:


When he retired in 2000, Adam Schiff (played by Steven Hill) was the longest-running current cast member at 11 years. That's a long time to run. Schiff, with a voice as dry and peaty as the single-malt in his right hand, can solve the ADA's dilemma in his sleep: "Your star witness, is a one-eyed, transvestite midget, and your victim is a 3-toed sloth out on parole for the armed robbery of a convent. MAKE A DEAL."


After Schiff left, Edward Scissorhands' mom jumped in for 3 seasons (2000-2002) to fill the role of Nora Lewin. She must have had a hard time seeing, because she squinted quite frequently. I think it was a metaphor for her determination to seek justice. Like David Duchovny always says, "The Truth Is Out There", and sometimes you just have to squint to see it.


Arthur Branch and his booming southern twang made their debut in 2003. It's kind of like a cowboy running the DA's office. He's got a quick trigger finger and ten gallons of don't-make-me-put-you-in-the- Texas-Toaster-boy! for anyone who gets in his way. Well, that's how I'd write it anyway.

Branch is known for his conservative approach, though, which has lead to many a clash with noted liberal hot-head Jack McCoy and his harem. For those who don't know, Fred Dalton Thompson was actually a US Senator (R-TN) before accepting the role of Branch. He's pondered a 2008 run for the Big One. He'll obviously win, so for those who care to know a little more about your next President:

• Supports the right to bear arms (what cowboy wouldn't)
• No clear stance on abortion (has wavered but believes it should not be government funded)
• Supports free trade
• Thinks Al Gore is a nut
• Would like to continue to "secure our borders" from job-stealing foreigners

Coovo's take: Was that the only picture we could find of Diane Wiest? Thing is those specs are back in style now.

Chances are if you tune in to a TNT re-run, you are either going to get Schiff or Branch. If the life span of Law & Order were a day, Nora Lewin's tenure would be a quick lunch break. She did her best but in the end she couldn't escape the shadow of the Schiffster.

It always appeared, by his voice and slow motion movement, that Adam Schiff was annoyed with his job. Smiles were at a minimum and he probably holds a TV record for consecutive sighs. The thing I like about Schiff is he always backed up his ADA's even when they completely ignored his advice. And when he plopped on that fedora to take himself home for the evening, he reminded me of a that Greatest Generation of people who never stopped working for what they believed. Man I wish I had that hat.

Arthur Branch however made his money in the private sector and now wants to put people behind bars. He is as resounding as Schiff was subtle. I do like him as a DA. His character is strong and his southern wit always leaves me with a chuckle. But he is new age. He plays the political games. And, he has no hat.

To me, it is no contest. I cast my vote for Adam Schiff.

Roller's take: I never liked Nora Lewin that much. Nothing against the actress or the writers, but the character did nothing for me; she seemed weak. Ole' Tennessee Thompson isn't bad, but he's not the reason you hang around for McCoy's inevitable discussion with the DA.

That, my friends, is Adam Schiff. He's everything you want in a DA. He's old. He's crotchety. He wears those awesome old-man hats. His voice makes Joan Rivers sound like Judy Garland. His calm demeanor is the perfect balance to Jack McCoy's temper.

The show, in my opinion, was top shelf in throughout the '90's, although it started to degrade somewhat towards the end of the decade. That Schiff was still around kept the second half of the show strong, but his departure after the 1999-2000 season left a hole in the show for sure, no matter how small his role was.

In the next episode of The Loop and The Lou, Coovo will dissect perfect form in a jump shot, and I'll explain why bacon makes everything better... stay tuned!!

Who are you? Who-who, who-who . . .

I was talking with my brother last night and he said that he enjoyed our last couple posts. I told him he should have left a comment. And he should have and so should you. Even if it is to tell us that reading this entry wasted 2 minutes of your life that you will never get back. We'd love to know that people are reading, but we also want to hear what people think about the law and order characters. Our friend Ryan Seacrest (the last name has been changed to protect him from his baby's mama) has been diligent in leaving us his thoughts and for that we could not be more appreciative. Of course you will need a Google account, which is kind of like saying you need be alive.

To encourage some comments, I ask the following questions:

Does anyone want to start a petition to increase Paris Hilton's jail sentence? more info

How many of you will watch another horse race before next year's Kentucky Derby?

For those in the Lou, do you need to start sandbagging? Let's hope not.

For those in the Loop, should the Bulls play with a book in their shorts to soften the blow of the spanking the're taking from the Pistons?

Lastly, it looks like our beloved Law & Order might be in some trouble. It looks to be headed to TNT for it's 18th season. Good or bad thing? Discuss.

Tune in soon. Things get dicey, as we now have to choose from the three people who upheld the law in New York County. The crotchety Adam Schiff, the mercurial Nora Lewin, or the staunch Arthur Branch.

30 Years of Law & Order: Part III - Aye Cap'n

The following is part 3 of a 51 part series on "Law & Order". Other parts can be seen here:

• 30 Years of Law & Order
• Who's the Real McCoy?

What makes a good police captain? Historically, television (a.k.a. The Truth) has taught us that there are a few traits that a police captain must have:

1. The ability to go on a tirade, spawned by a general disdain for a rogue, hot-shot detective.
2. Some sort of medical condition, preferably an ulcer or a heart-condition. This should be treated by handfuls of non-descript pills washed down with Scotch.
3. Either a multiple divorcee, or an Irish Catholic devoted father of 7.
4. Without question, the captain is male. Chicks don't get ulcers.

We are pleased to say that Law & Order bucks the trend in this category. The role of Police Captain probably has the least impact of the 6 major characters on the show, but at times is called upon for a one-liner to close a scene, or to advance the story line when the detectives seem out of options.

Comparing Donn Florek (Capt. Donald Cragen) and S. Epatha Merkerson (Lt. Anita Van Buren) is similar to the Stone-McCoy issue; Florek was only on the show for the first 3 seasons, and Sepatha has become the longest-running active cast member. If possible, look past the pictures for our takes on each character.

Coovo's take: It shocks me to know that Cragen was only on the show for three years. Upon further review, it was four years (1990-1993), but still a short time. It always seems like the originals were there longer than they were.

It took me a while to warm up to Cragen. Dan Florek's previous TV character was some whiny dude from LA Law. I hated that guy and it ruined my interpretation of Cragen. Cragen. I love the way it rolls off my tongue. Nice and Irish.

Van Buren is all balls, well, except for the obvious. She took the police to court after she thought she was passed over for the promotion. She always stands up to the males who try to put her in her place. However, except for a few shows, she just seems to have few lines. They're all something like, "That's strange, why don't you go back to the neighbor's alley and canvas it."

The question is, are we allowed to judge Cragen on his work in the SVU, where in my opinion, he is one badass captain and is making the world safe from pedophiles and rapists. If the answer is yes, I go with Cragen. If the answer is no, I go with Van Buren, because I just can't get that LA law dude out of my head.

Roller's take: Halle Berry is hot. They should do a Law & Order spinoff called like... "Law & Order: Halle Berry Swimsuit Edition". Every episode would have to have some horrible pun title like "The Court of Sex Appeals" or "Behind Bras". Florek has this look on his face like, "She gets her picture with Halle Berry, and I'm in suspenders?"

Anyway, Capt. Cragen was great because he was always stressed. Not so over-the-top as outlined in the intro to this column, but he always had a furrowed brow, and always answered the phone "WHAT?!?". I can't say the show skipped a beat when his character was replaced by Van Buren, but he was good; what you expected out of an NYC police captain.

I was never felt strongly one way or another on Anita Van Buren. She lacked the fire that I thought a police lieutenant would have, although in some scenes that quality has actually scored points with me. I've seen a few episodes where she gets some one-on-one time with the accused, a racist or a psycho, and her moral high ground approach was refreshing.

In the end I gotta go with Van Buren. It's kind of like having Nel Carter run the Detectives Unit, and in a fight Cragen wouldn't last 2 rounds against Nel.

Mea Culpae

If you are reading this Magistra, is that how you say "We're sorry?" You'd think four years of Latin could help me, but all I remember is that fili mi pinus, means "My son the pine tree".

Things have been quite busy for both myself and Roller and we are definitely sorry for all those "blogamaniacs" who have been looking forward to our next Law & Order installment. The good news is that it is on the way. Cragen v. Van Buren. No, not a civil case over Lenny Briscoe's police gear, but a Loop and the Lou dissection of the two people to run the 27th Precinct.

In a rare serious LATL moment, The Loop would like to send it's best to the Lou with regards to the recent death of Cardinals pitcher John Hancock. We rant and rave over these games and players like they have a great affect on our lives. But it is a moment like this that that has the greatest affect and should remind us to enjoy the game of baseball one pitch at a time.