Wednesday, February 18, 2009

News Nits

"All the news that's fit to reprint."

Tired of having boring parties? Why not try the newest rage: flavor-tripping. This drug-free trip revolves around a fruit called "miracle fruit" which you eat upon arrival. Your tongue is then coated with a substance that causes foods to taste completely differently. Sour lemons taste like sweet lemonade. Cheese tastes like frosting, and vinegar tastes like apple juice. Sounds like a cheap thrill to me and in these budget-tight times, cheap thrills are at a premium. If you would like something a little less healthy and a little more comfort food oriented, try the new bacon explosion. From first hand experience, I can say the bacon explosion is worth the effort.

[Editor's Note: Based on reader feedback, I've been asked to share my experiences with the bacon explosion. Here is a "taste": One, two, three. It tasted even better than I had hoped.]


In other news, some wackier than others, a woman in Los Angeles has been revealed to have a "super-memory". She can remember in vivid detail almost every single day of her life. Blessing or curse? In two signs the Muslim world is making progress, the coaches and managers of a co-ed soccer game in Iran were severely punished for a brutal mixing of the sexes. That is perhaps the lighter side of some news happening in our own U.S. of A. A man in Buffallo, NY has been charged with second-degree murder for beheading his ex-wife. Ironically, this former husband/wife team started a TV station with the mission of softening the image of Muslims in the media. Oops. And just down the road in Stamford, Conn, an otherwise friendly chimpanzee went on a rampage, severely injuring a woman before local cops were able to kill him.

Also from around the world, two nuclear subs accidentally "bumped" each other in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. Brings scary new meaning to, "It's a small world afterall." In our small world, the United States of Africa have just elected Muammar Gaddafi as head King. Remember this guy? He issued a letter saying he is coming as "the king of the traditional kings of Africa." Maybe he will find better hope for the African AIDS crisis than garlic? This dude makes Rick James look collected.

A few more nits, the peace-loving Israelis seem to have a secret weapon that they are using against the Palistinians, who have grenades and numbers. And in a cool piece of science that might indicate solar panels and windmills are out-dated before they are even widespread, our home energy problems might just be a bucket of water away.

News nits doesn't like to leave our readers high and dry (or wet). So in an effort to round out the sometimes overwhelming news, we present video evidence of an innocent kid on drugs. Who said the dentist office was no fun?



I believe that professional wrestling is clean and everything else in the world is fixed.
- Frank Deford

17 comments:

Gene said...

Just got Jill Price in with our table for the Seven Holy Founders trivia night next week.

Victory.

Gene said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Roller said...

I am not an every YouTube guy, so maybe this has been going on for a while, but that's the first time I've seen them roll ads during the video. I guess it's probably a good idea to try to make money on a nearly 2 billion dollar investment.

That video is pretty funny, but I can't help feeling that the parents shouldn't have put it on YouTube.

Marty said...

Yes, I have to agree with Rollo on this one. I saw that clip awhile back and (while I was laughing) couldn't help thinking that this guy's dad shouldn't have put this on youtube...or left it there after oh i don't know, the first few million views of it....

Marty said...

and I dont know who Jill Pierce is...but I'm excited for Geno's victory

Coovo said...

Good stuff Ryan.

Did you actually taste the Bacon explosion? That is an Atkins diet dream meal.

So Jill price remembers everything thats ever happened to her and shes an administrator at a school. Shouldn't she be Jeopardy champion or rich or something. And honestly, I thought she'd be hotter.

I read about the soccer game in Iran as well. How do they reproduce in that country if they can't even play soccer together?

I think the kid video is awesome. I wonder if the dad was doing it simply to show relatives and then it just spreads. Hopefully after years of intense therapy the kid will be able to kick his whipit addiction and look back on this and laugh.

Gene said...

Wow, the chimpanzee joke you included is raising some ire, isn't it? Race never even crossed my mind as I read it and chuckled a bit.

http://www.nypost.com/seven/02192009/postopinion/editorials/that_cartoon_155984.htm

Marty said...

Yeah, I really didn't know what to make of that cartoon...The first thing I saw was the race card, and I thought that was kind of crass, and if it was a joke about the chimpanzee shooting, I just didn't think that was a funny joke, either way I thought it was a bad cartoon....but what do I know, I didnt even realize that Jill Price was the woman from the blog entry

Ryan said...

Marty, I go through a lot of trouble to include all those little links so you can read the actual news behind the nits. Make me, and Jill Price, happy.

Geno, I'm shocked by that take on the cartoon. I am perhaps not as racially sensitive as others, but I didn't take it htat way at all. I certainly had read the chimp story first, so the cartoon seemed a natural follow up. I guess if someone didn't know about the reality of the chimp story, they could take it the wrong way.

My oh my. Reminds me of when that government employee was nearly fired, then had to apologize for someone else's ignorance over his proper use of the word "niggardly".

Aren't those hot uni's the Iranian women's team wore?

I know what y'all mean about the poor kid in the video. Not sure I'd post my own kid on youtube. Maybe if the dad knew it would get so much attention he would have acted otherwise. But all in all, I think of it as rather harmless, an America's Funniest Home Video quality clip. (Or else I wouldn't have posted it.)

I'll post some pictures of my experience with the bacon explosion.

Coovo said...

Nothing like taking bacon into your own hands. Well done Ryan.

I just read the chimp article. The chimp "drank wine and surfed the internet". I can't even do those things.

Since I was reviewing the post mostly from my e-mail. I didn't even see the cartoon (I block images ever since I ended my illicit affair with Miss Delta Burke). Even with knowing the full chimp story it's too easy to draw a comparison to the main stimulus backer (Obama) and the chimp.

The more I think about the more I am fine with the kid video. Parents have put just as embarrassing stuff of their kids on America's funniest home videos and they weren't on drugs.

Where are the pictures of the Iranian women's uniforms?

Ryan said...

I guess it's crazy to me that enough people in our country are so brainwashed into hyperfocusing on "race issues" rather than on more material things like the fact the stimulus bill is clearly monkey business.

That the racial connection of a monkey trumps people's first thoughts over how much of a clear heist the stimulus bill is just speaks volumes of the capacity of our country's mindset.

G. Smith said...

!!! I've fallen asleep at the wheel here, and am pretty disappointed that not only have I missed the opportunity to respond to some relentless Obama bashing - but may have missed out on a chance to talk about legalizing marijuana!

But I did happen to wake up just in time to put in my two cents about the cartoon. I started to write a response here insisting that the chimp cartoon was obviously racist, clearly portraying Obama as a chimp for no other reason than because he's black.

It took me a minute to consider the possibility that the artist could have been making the comment that the stimulus package is so bad, that it must have been written by someone as dumb as a chimp.

And then I thought, maybe I'm one of these people that have been brainwashed into being hyper-focused on race issues, and thus overly sensitive to this sort of thing.

Or worse yet, maybe I was projecting, and thus displaying my own internal racisim by making the assumption that the artist was calling Obama a chimp?

And then I thought - no, that's all bullshit. Intentional or not, it's a racist cartoon. History matters. So am I brainwashed? Maybe, I work for an an organization committed to racial justice. One of the strategies for addressing structural and institutional racisim is to call it out when we see it.

Or, maybe the brainwashing comes from the fact that my ancestors came to this country with the status of animals, routinely compared to apes and primates, legally codified as less than human. My ancestors continued to be treated as less than human well into our generation. So, maybe that's why I so easily echos of this past in the cartoon.

Or, it could be the brainwashing stems from the fact that mainstream papers like the New York Post are still printing things that dehumanize black people.

Whatever it is, I think that the fact that people want to talk about this over the stimulus package is a great thing. It means people are paying attention. For anyone concerned about racial justice, which should be all of us, this is a material issue.

And really, why go with the chimp? - it's called a Stimulus Package - there are a ton of jr. high jokes in there...

obama stimulates my package - (was that racist?)

Coovo said...

G, you're joke is obviously derogatory to all those who work at UPS. What can "brown" do for you?

Austin said...

Has the cartoonist come out with any public response. If there is a non-racist joke there that I can't see, that's fine. I don't buy it and I don't buy any brainwashing aspect.

McCabe, here is my assumption: the reason you haven't made any posts regarding this ridiculous spending by Congress and the recent health care proposal is that you have had a heart attack.

Ryan said...

Weird. Great to see there is a second shelf life to these posts. Always great to get some G-Austin input, you two big monkeys!

Oh no, I'm a racist!

Aus, yes, I have had a heart attack. Seriously though, the situation in D.C. is so dire and confusing, I'm having trouble even figuring out how to report what's going on. The administration is so self-constradicting that even the press isn't sure what's going on, certainly wall street doesn't know.

G, I appreciate your sentiment, you have stated your opinion clearly. Perhaps brainwashed wasn't the best word to use, perhaps "shamed" would be better.

I have respect for the past as well, and if some of your ancestors were slaves, then oh well. Sucks for them. I can say that many of my ancestors, although they didn't have chains on them, were just as poor and just as desperate. However, I take no responsibility from that past nor any shame. Unlike many others.

If that cartoon hadn't come the day or two after the east coast was enthralled with a story of a raging chimpanzee who had a career in TV commecials, shows, etc, and a reputation of being very friendly that may or may not have been on Xanax and nearly killed a woman, and if Barack Obama had actually written the bill,

then it might have been racist.

The alternative:
There is a comic cartoonist who is really racist. Having made it so far by restraining his tendencies and fooling everybody, he sees his chance, finally to fill the imaginations of the "shamed" and "brainwashed" majority and the very small minority of people who are intentionally racist -- his brothers. He gets the cartoon past all of his editors, wait, his editors are all racist too, his editors applaud the racism. I'm sure he got a raise.

The Post wrote an "apology" that geno linked to, but it was completely sarcastic because they know they're not racist nor was the cartoon.

Furthermore, in the worst case scenario, if a black man can't handle being called or compared to a monkey, then he deserves living on a steady diet of nonsense and frittering away his mind and soul and will always be a slave of sorts.

All this nonsense is just reinforcing my point.

I thought flavor tripping was way more interesting than the monkey rampage.

G. Smith said...

Colbert recently did a really funny bit about being afraid to talk about race. People don't need to feel shame to talk about race, or to call things out as racist when they see them.

I maintain that there can be racism without a racist, and this cartoon is a good example. We're products of our environment, and there are loud echoes of our overtly racist past everywhere. I'm a huge one for giving folks the benefit of the doubt, and I don't think that this cartoonist, or anyone at that staff is hiding a Klan hood under their desk. However, that doesn't mean the cartoon wasn't racist.

It's not a matter of an individual being able to handle a racial slur, it's about whether or not we want to tolerate those slurs in our mainstream media.

Ryan said...

G, you make a good point. It is ridiculous that people should feel awkward talking about race. But I think a lot of that is from forced racial tension and a lot of it is from this over sensualization of race issues.

See, I don't think you can have racism without a racist. Implicit in your comments has to be some sort of action, right? So you cry out that you see a racist cartoon, well so what? Do you propose to censor it? Fire the cartoonist? What? Just mention it?

Racism is a victimless crime, but it has been ballooned into a catch-all guilty until proven innocent crime. You can't racist someone. Racism is a condition of the heart and mind. It sucks that it exists, but what can be done about it by force? How do you change someone's heart or mind?

The problem to me is that in my experience, all these conversations try to stay innocent and harmless, until soon enough someone wants to do something about it. Hate crime legislation is an example. And it's more than just a complete waste of time, it lays the foundation for fascism.

It's not that I can't see what you're saying about the cartoon. It's that I think there's nothing more you can do about it than scratch your head and move on.