Tuesday, November 20, 2007

A-ROD Wins MVP, Opts Out in Search of Bigger Award

In a story that will make even Barry Bonds shake his head in befuddlement, Alex Rodriguez has opted out of the AL MVP award he was awarded yesterday.

While Rodriguez refused to comment, his agent, Scott Bora$$, had this to say, "To present A-ROD with an award like the MVP is akin to spitting in the Pope's eye. I deserve - I mean my client deserves better. Something at the Nobel-level, or at the very least a few Purple Hearts and some General's Stripes. We And we will settle for no less."

After learning the news, second-place finisher Magglio Ordonez shrugged it off, "He did have a pretty good year. It is an honor to finish second to him." At which point Scott Boras (also Ordonez's agent) jumped in, "Oh no, no. Magglio is also opting out of his second-place finish. Magglio deserves the MVP, Manager of the Year, and next year's Cy Young. And we will settle for no less."


Callahan said...

10 more years without a championship in NY. at least for the AL team.


Ryan said...

Roller, hilarious post. I guess I'm still shocked by Jimmy Rollins winning the NL MVP. Wha?

Here's a funny article about a crappy sports writer's take on why Rollins is so awesome:


Roller said...

Very funny, Rye, thanks for the link.

I would have loved to jump in and say, "Yeah, Hdfwnvpoi or Xhoodjshfw should have won that award, but not Rollins in a million years". But I have no idea who Hdfwnvpoi or Xhoodjshfw are. My once violent love affair with baseball has calmed into a married couple's "I already told you I love you" relationship.

So I would love to hear who should have won, if not Rollins.

Ryan said...

Dude, hilarious.

I ahven't thought about it in awhile, but I guess I'm not even sure that Jimmy Rollins is the best guy on his team, let alone the league MVP.

Matt Holliday comes to mind immediately, and if I thought harder (by squinching my eyes), I might think of more.

Roller said...

Yeah, you couldn't watch any kind of game or highlights during the playoffs without "MVP candidate" being prepended or appended to Matt Holiday's name.

"And on deck is MVP candidate Matt Holiday."

"Beckett seems to be going right after Holiday, the MVP candidate."

"Asked how he was handling the pressure, MVP candidate Matt Holiday responded, 'I just try to remind MVP candidate myself that I'm a lock for the MVP.'"

Coovo said...

The next weird al song should be a take off on Madonna's "Holiday" about how Matt Holiday is an MVP candidate.

Roller said...

Holida-ay!! Candida-ate!!

I smell gold and platinum...

Coovo said...

Don't pitch to Holiday. Oohhh-oooo. oohhh-oooo.

He'll blast it into spaa-aace. Ooohh-oooo. Ooohhh-oooo.

Just one vote out of five,

He would be (he would be) He would be alright . . .