Monday, June 9, 2008

Roller Rollerton, Advertising Executive

One of the many methods by which I like to impress people is by explaining how I could do their jobs better than they do it. So this one is for you, television ad executives.

DVRs (aka Tivo) are destroying the television ad industry. The are so pervasive now that most of our kids will grow up totally missing out on the rites of passage we adults know as Scheig-Engel, Yellow-Key Auto Insurance, or Becky, Queen of Carpet.

But what I may call a rite of passage to fewer brain cells, Angela Bower calls her bread and butter. The Angela Bowers of the world are going to have to change their game if they expect to pay for ex-Cardinals to vacuum their curtains. Fortunately for them, I have the solution.

The problem with commercials and Tivo is that when I fast-forward all I see is a dog and then a garden and then a bar of soap and then a doctor who might be prescribing Burger King. I have no idea what's going on and by the time my brain has the chance to try to put the pieces together I've hit play just in time to see Doogie pause in reflection before completing the episode's journal entry.

The secret to beating Tivo is pervasive branding. In every commercial, for the whole commercial. The next Coca-cola commercial? A bunch of kids dancing in front of a huge COCA-COLA sign! The next Depends commercial? A bunch of kids dancing in front of a huge DEPENDS sign. You may be fast forwarding it, someone else watching in real-time, but the brand gets implanted in your brain. And the next thing you know, you're at the store buying Coke and Depends.

Some companies are already hip to this notion (their ad execs probably hang out in the same T.G.I.Friday's I hang out at every Friday). Their actors may not be in front of a big company logo, but Apple's signature Mac vs. PC commercials are recognizable at high speed (and I'll stop to watch those if they're new). Sonic drive-in also has the repeatable two-guys-at-the-drive-thru plot that embeds the brand in your brain even if you're just passing by.

So there you have it. DVRs may be changing the game, but you as the ad exec just have to adapt your game along with it. It's like when the telephone was invented. That changed history. So what did we do? We got voicemail.

We got voicemail.


Gene said...

Man, that Tony Danza is a trim fellow. I had to zoom in on your photo, Roller, but sure enough, he's as trim as toast (the sort of toast that's been appropriately trimmed.).

Ryan said...

You've got Angela and Tony Danza on there, but no pics of Alissa Milano? Hottest TV chick of all time!

When we were all up in the arch the other weekend, I actually explained who Becky Queen of Carpets was/is to the out of towners. They loved it. No matter where you're from, there's a becky queen of carpets.

Also, I think that the weird little sidekick in Doogie Houser was actually like 37 when he was in that role. Just makes that show even weirder. Weirder than Alf? Quite possibly...

Coovo said...

Let's just be glad we got through another Roller post without Uncle Jesse showing up. How much would you pay to see a cage match between Uncle Jesse and Tony Micelli? I'd have to sell my futon.

Weirder than Alf? Maybe. But nothing was as weird as Alf showing up in 1 800 COLLECT commercials a decade after his show ended. Or maybe not. Checking out I found this under the actor who played Alf:

How do you work Alf into Matlock? Blossom? The Love Boat makes total sense. Two Alf spin-offs? Was Alf that popular?

This just gets weirder.

Coovo said...

Sorry. After re-reading my post, I must clarify that I (and Roller would be) referring to the Full House Uncle Jesse, John Stamos.

Of course this should be implied because no way Danza would have lasted 20 seconds with the Duke Boys' Uncle Jesse (TV version).

Ryan said...

So, I looked up Max Casella (Doogie's little playmate) and he was born in '67, which would have made him about 23 in '90. Not quite 37, but still sorta weird. Like, Ralph Macchio was 23 in the first karate kid. Rollo, what do you guys put in the pasta?

But I was shocked to find out that Doogie Houser, MD, was a David E. Kelley creation. David E. Kelley is the absolute worst. I realized this after being sucked into a full season of the Practice.

Nobody talks like that. I've never said anything so clever or dramatic in all the sentences in my life. Even the secretaries are insanely witty, sarcastic and even poignant every time they speak. Horrible.

Roller said...

As beautiful as she is, Alyssa Milano would have been cliche. The post had an undertone of weirdos, and she wouldn't have really fit in. And Danza's pose was perfect for the send-off.

And don't forget about Becky's sister, Wanda Princess of Tile. I couldn't find any pictures of her.

Roller said...

A quick but hilarious ALF reference was on the Simpson's once. I think Krusty was hosting a telethon, and he announced he had a "celebrity" panel to answer the phone. A quick shot over revealed a bunch of misfits, including Hank Hill and ALF. After 3 seconds of them all looking dumb, ALF pumps his fist as says "Yo!"

I vaguely remember that being a tag line of his.

Gene said...